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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Coping strategies anyone?

So, my sweet daughter has NO coping strategies. seriously. she just breaks down - physically and emotionally - when everything is not absolutely perfect or exactly her way. i dont think i am the type of mom to just give in and give a child her way... but honestly, i cant take it anymore. you see the picture of her in the hall screaming and crying? that was just exhibit 763a. honestly, those fits happen so often, it drives me NUTS! this morning on the way into the gym, she had another episode, because she didnt like her hair the way i did it. this is how her fits go: her legs collapse, she screams and crys, there is no consolling her, i giver her hugs and tell her it will be ok, i bribe her, i hold her hand, i TRY EVERYTHING! (at least i think i try everything) but she still cant function. then, i start threatening - "i'm going to count to 3 then you will get a spanking" which doesnt help... any ideas? or is this just what i get with a girl?

12 comments:

Katie said...

ooo...that's a tough one and not fun in the least. She will definately grow out of it. But in the mean time...I would say,"fine, if that's how you are going to act then we are going home and you will stay in your room for awhile." And take away things that she loves to do. Even though that totally sucks for you, maybe it would only take a few times (or less) until she gets it. And I'm sure you've already done this, but talk to her about coping skills and what she can do instead of a complete meltdown. ??? I don't know. That's what comes to mind for now. I hope you figure out what works soon! Good luck!

Jessi said...

Um, I think it's a girl thing. We have A LOT of that kind of thing in our house. Good luck to us both!

Valerie said...

I'm not an expert with raising girls by any means, but I do have lots of nieces. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. I think the best thing you can do is to not give in to her and just be there for her. My sister, whenever one of her girls would throw a fit, would just sit quietly beside them until the fit was over. I guess it reassured them that she was there for them if they needed her. It sounds like Charity just has a lot of overwhelming emotions going through her and as girls ourselves, I think we can understand that! Hang in there!

Meredith said...

PLEASE dont say its a girl thing :) and if it is..the good news is, by the time Kendall is like that you will of figured out what to do :) good luck, I feel for ya!

Jennifer said...

We did Love and Logic with Jack when he was about 2ish and in like 1.5 days he was a new kid. I have this CD that is pretty much an overview of the concept but it was all we needed. You want me to send you a copy? Anyway, there is this "uh oh" song kind of silly but SERIOUSLY works. Boils down to two choices for the kid and not losing your temper. Anyway, the CD is awesome.

Jennifer said...

p.s. you could also try "bitter bitter" song. Just kidding ;)

CDHowey said...

HUMMM.... my guess is CHARITY has a LOT of ALLEN blood in her... I agree with Katie... take her home. It is good to let them know you are there for them but If you force them to continue in the same environment It cant work.. I have seen a mom leave a full cart at the grocery store to drag a child out.. I am guessing to take home (ok or maybe beat the crap out of them in the parking lot) HA HA...

You arent there alone... We all have children throwing fits.. LOVE YA ... SEE YOU SOON

The Rogers said...

i'm a huge dork and am always reading those books about children and such. but i have come across a few good ones. "child wise", "one,two,three, magic" and the one that someone already mentioned, love and logic (although that one seems like it would work better for boys -are girls really ever logical?)

anyways, good luck!

Emily R said...

thanks for the advise! i will go check out all those books...

Dan, Lydia, Kaitlyn said...

i am no expert and will definately be reading all those book mentioned above, but one thing i heard I think on nanny 911 one time was that if you're going to count instead of counting up count down because you can't go any lower than zero but can always extend 3 to five to 10 and so on...counting down is more definitive

Amy said...

I went through the very exact thing with megan this past year before kindergarten. It was the worse thing ever. I am so sorry. I tried everything too and then ended up counting just like you. I think I counted to calm myself down more then stop her fit. It is so frustrating. One of my friends suggested a book about boundaries and I will get the real title for you soon. It worked on her daughter. The thing i kept saying to myself was it is just a phase because it really was. Now she doesn't do it anymore. Her life is changing all aaround her right now and she doesn't know how to deal with it all. I have the same problem, like I said I counted for me:p good luck girl!

Leisha said...

See, it's my SON that is that way. He is 6 and we still have meltdowns over his hair (he likes it slicked down with hair gel with not a single strand out of place...he looks like peewee herman) and clothes and, well, a lot of things. He is just so specific and sensitive. Here's hoping they grow out of it.