This is...

This is...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My feelings as a Mom...

I sat here this morning with Nate's arm around me. He nuzzled right next to me and tried to get his little arm all the way around my back. He was giggly and looking at all the pictures on the blogs I was reading. At the same time he was not fighting for attention. He was quiet and calm. He was cuddly and warm. He had asked to watch cartoons, but I was postponing plugging him in to steal a few minutes just like that.

It seems like all the blogs have everyone in every picture looking totally put together. They all have great huge smiles and designer clothes. Their houses are all clean. Their kids' faces are clean and their hair is DONE. They all decorate their house like professionals and take the most amazing pictures.

Then, I went through my pictures.
My house is often messy. It is plain and not decorated. Our hair is never done perfectly and we don't all look cute or put together. Our clothes aren't fancy or even in style. My pictures are always blurry.

But, where the art and the dazzle is lacking, I can't help but feel like I am not missing a thing. I want nothing but another year just like this.

In so many of the pictures, my kids have their arms around each other. They are smiling. They are happy. They love each other. We have such great times together. This is the best season of life.

I was talking to my mom, and she told me about one of her favorite pictures. When we were all around my kids' ages, she got a picture taken of us all lined up on a couch. She calls the picture "The end of innocence". We were all happy and young. It was just before we moved to N.J. and she had 5 crazy teenage daughters. The picture was taken when she would think to herself "My kids will NEVER do that...".

She was wrong, and I am sure I will face some pretty tough things in the very near future.

But for just this moment, I am overcome with happiness. I am overcome with gratitude for the comfort in which we live and the sweetness of my children. I am overcome with the feeling that I just want to pause here for a minute. I want to keep my kids at this phase for a while. I just want to enjoy this season of life.
I did enjoy the baby/toddler phase, but I was always looking towards the next milestone. I was always thinking "Oh how nice will it be when we're out of diapers!" or "how nice will it be when they are mobile" or "how nice will it be when they are in school..." etc. Then I blinked, and all three of my kids were independent beings with independent thoughts and ideas about how life should be.

I love how my oldest boy will just hug me in the mornings and tell me he really loves me. He is so sweet and tender. My daughter is the funnest little girl in the world - completely girly - filling her time doing cartwheels, dancing, singing, and changing out her earrings. My baby is in preschool, and growing too quickly. He is hilarious.

Already I feel like they don't really NEED me, but they WANT me to be with them and I know they really do LOVE me. I feel like I have the best kids in the world.
I dont want that to end.

I'm going to blink and they will be teenagers.


Nate and Steph Payne said...

your cute emily. your kids are so sweet... just so you know, when we moved to NJ i was a baby. i started kindergarten there... so i was no teenager. and owen is a boy. so mom only had 4 crazy teenage girls. sheeesh.. get your facts straight. love ya

Sarra said...


Seriously, though. It's awesome when you can take pleasure in your kids like that. It's exactly what life is for - to take joy in our offspring. :)

Meredith said...

I LOVE this post...I have been having a lot of these moments too with Sydney since she will be starting school in the Fall, I wish I could just push the pause button or something and keep the girls just where they are... :(

tara said...

this is the best blog post i've read by anyone in a long time. i should go take a picture of my master bedroom with the 8 loads of unfolded laundry and my kids in their mismatched clothes and scraggly hair (4 girls-remember (: It would make you feel good.

Reading your blog just made me feel a lot better about life! We'll have to get together in August

... and don't worry about cleaning your house for me (:

Mary Kay said...

AWW, it! Have you finished pausing yet? I mean, it's been more than 20 minutes... ;-) <3 ya!